


Sorry Sadness

by Fear_The_FWZZ



Series: Post Carmilla 2x15 [1]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 15:07:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4396580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fear_The_FWZZ/pseuds/Fear_The_FWZZ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is post Carmilla 2x15. Laura Point of view. You want more tears here you go. Laura can't handle the stress anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sorry Sadness

My life as I knew it was going to shit. First, because of us-- well. Me-- the entire campus has been thrown into an all out war.Second, Carmilla and I... go separate ways. Then finally.I realize. I can’t win. There is no outlet. I can keep inputting but then that all builds up. Until it can’t handle it anymore. Then it will explode. Killing everyone around me.

Carm is calling me by nicknames now and avoiding my actual name. I can barely roll out of bed anymore. My brain is paralyzed. My muscles strung together with my never ending sorrow. Unable to be unwound due to my own consciousness. My face is plastered with tears. My eyes have run dry and I just can’t cry anymore. I can’t feel anymore. The life has been sucked out of me. Carmilla broke my heart. But before I could mend mine I hurt her as well. I look at her wound thinking it’ll help mine. Danny needs to pull both hers and my weight now. I just can’t carry on now. And maybe I did love her. Was I ready to admit that? Of course not. Did I feel crushed when I knew that her “I Love you” meant goodbye? Absolutely. I just wished it was all so much simplar. Like you need to pull a lever and the lights will come one and chase away all the evil in this world.I’m a nuisance if I believed that.

I sit alone. The brown couch, seat, thing, whatever. I swear I still feel our warmth, but that’s only me trying to hold on to the last pieces of sanity. I squish myself in a ball and try to squeeze the sadness and depression out of me but it only causes it to come more and more. While the room is dark I still feel the darkest.Nothing compared to what I feel inside. I’ve reached the end of my rope. The flame is about to burn out. I can’t do anything more. Why couldn’t I have just run away? We would’ve been happy. And together... Now even that’s a forced painful memory. The harder I try to think less of Carm, the easier it is to remember all the events leading up to here. I want a do over. I want one so bad. Laura! There is no do over! Can’t you just listen to yourself for one second?! I clench my teeth knowing there’s no solution to this.

I work up the strength and find the storage closet. I pull and push until I find what I need. I grip it in my hand. I pass LaF on the way back to the foyer. Emotionless. Nothing less too feel. It’s the dark of the night. The silence eating away every part of me. I force a whimper but nothing is released from my eyes. I’m done crying. The chandelier hangs just behind the couch. I look up at it. Even it sparkles when all hope is lost. I throw the item that was so tightly gripped in my hand. Two ends. One for each side. I step through it. No more pain and sadness can have me. It’s just excess now. There’s no more that can go in. At the same time none can come out. It overtakes my body like a parasite. It travels through my veins. With every pulse the pain arriving the sadness decaying the skin. I grab a small stool to reach the golden bars. I see out the window. The only source of light that covers the sky. Moon. It stares at me and starts laughing. It mocks my insides of how quiet it can be. I want to feel anger. I want to feel something. But that would mean you need someone to feel it for.

I reach for it.Thinking maybe I can take some light from it. Just before I feel I can touch it I remember. It’s not it’s own light. It has the help of an outside force. But I need the light. I need the spark I leap for it. My hands extending so close. Just as I reach for it the room becomes darker. Making me feel I am one with the darkness. A rush of memories but I haven’t the effort to know it. A large crash is the last thing I hear. The room may be windless but I swing. I dangle and swing and I have no control. That fire. Has just burned out.


End file.
